Hey Chris, Your writing is spectacular. I don't agree with the previous commenter that you needed to expound on the legal aspects. It's not a book, it's a short story. Show, don't tell.
Hi Jim, thanks man! I don't know how I never saw this comment. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your feedback. My life has been so hectic the past couple months I haven't even finished my edits. But with fresh eyes hopefully I'll tighten it up. Thanks again, Jim!
Your line about the lawyer, it feel like that was left unexplored.
It occurred to me that you could intersperse a scene or a couple of scenes with legal battles, maybe even a criminal murder case, or a wrongful death lawsuit. Because her family accepts the supernatural persistence of her spirit too easily, and I think the narrator accepts it too easily as well. This could allow you to get to a more powerful conclusion following the same idea (which is excellent by the way).
HI Craig, I think I responded in detail about the legal battles on your other comment. Thanks for reading, I know this story is a little on the longer end so I appreciate the feedback. I'm glad you liked the ending but I totally agree, I need to keep that tension up better. I just didn't quite know how at the time so I just left that thread dangling. Thanks for picking up on it.
Hey Chris, Your writing is spectacular. I don't agree with the previous commenter that you needed to expound on the legal aspects. It's not a book, it's a short story. Show, don't tell.
Keep going bro.
Hi Jim, thanks man! I don't know how I never saw this comment. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your feedback. My life has been so hectic the past couple months I haven't even finished my edits. But with fresh eyes hopefully I'll tighten it up. Thanks again, Jim!
Great imagery and the ending feels right.
Your line about the lawyer, it feel like that was left unexplored.
It occurred to me that you could intersperse a scene or a couple of scenes with legal battles, maybe even a criminal murder case, or a wrongful death lawsuit. Because her family accepts the supernatural persistence of her spirit too easily, and I think the narrator accepts it too easily as well. This could allow you to get to a more powerful conclusion following the same idea (which is excellent by the way).
HI Craig, I think I responded in detail about the legal battles on your other comment. Thanks for reading, I know this story is a little on the longer end so I appreciate the feedback. I'm glad you liked the ending but I totally agree, I need to keep that tension up better. I just didn't quite know how at the time so I just left that thread dangling. Thanks for picking up on it.
I subscribed to see what you come up with next!